When Toddlers Hit and Push: Calm, Consistent Responses
By Ellis Okonjo · Oct 24, 2026 · 6 min read
In a nutshell
Physical outbursts are common in young children who cannot yet manage big feelings. Here is how to respond and teach alternatives.
Hitting, pushing, and kicking are a normal part of development for many toddlers. Young children feel frustration and anger intensely but have limited language and self-control to express it.
The goal is not to punish feelings but to teach safer ways to handle them.
Tip 1 Stay calm and step in
Calmly and quickly stop the behaviour: gently hold your child’s hands or move them away. Use a short, clear message: “I won’t let you hit. Hitting hurts.” A calm tone helps your child calm down, while shouting tends to escalate the situation.
Tip 2 Name the feeling
Help your child understand what happened: “You were angry because he took your truck.” Naming feelings builds emotional vocabulary, which over time replaces physical reactions.
Tip 3 Teach alternatives
- 💡 Use words: “Stop!” or “My turn!”
- đź’ˇ Stamp feet or squeeze a cushion
- đź’ˇ Come to a grown-up for help
- 💡 Take deep “dragon breaths”
Tip 4 Prevent triggers
Watch for patterns like tiredness, hunger, overstimulation, or toy disputes. Step in early, offer warnings before transitions, and keep playdates short for young toddlers.
Tip 5 When to seek support
If aggression is frequent, intense, or continues past the preschool years, or you are concerned about other aspects of development, talk to your health visitor, doctor, or nursery staff. See our guide to handling tantrums.
This is general parenting information, not medical advice. Every child is different — talk to your paediatrician, family doctor, or a qualified specialist about your child’s health, development, or behaviour. In an emergency, call your local emergency number.