Separation Anxiety: Helping Your Child With Goodbyes
By Maya Fairbrook · Oct 12, 2026 · 5 min read
In a nutshell
Tears at nursery drop-off are common and usually temporary. A predictable routine makes goodbyes easier for everyone.
Separation anxiety is a normal stage of development. It often appears around eight to ten months, can peak again in the toddler years, and returns at transitions such as starting nursery or school.
It is a sign of a strong attachment, not of anything going wrong.
Tip 1 Create a goodbye ritual
Keep goodbyes short, warm, and the same every time — a hug, a special phrase, a wave at the window. Long, drawn-out goodbyes and coming back several times tend to increase distress.
Tip 2 Do not sneak away
Slipping out while your child is distracted can seem kinder, but it often makes children more anxious and clingy because they cannot predict when you will disappear. Always say goodbye and tell them when you will be back in terms they understand: “after lunch” or “after nap time”.
Tip 3 Practise separations
- đź’ˇ Leave your child with a trusted adult for short periods and build up gradually
- đź’ˇ Visit a new nursery or school together before the first day
- đź’ˇ Read books about starting nursery or saying goodbye
- đź’ˇ Let them bring a comfort object from home if allowed
Tip 4 Manage your own feelings
Children pick up on parental worry. A calm, confident goodbye — even if you feel wobbly inside — signals that they are safe. Most childcare staff will happily let you know how quickly your child settled.
Tip 5 When to seek advice
Speak to your health visitor, GP, or paediatrician if anxiety is severe, lasts many months, or stops your child taking part in normal activities such as playdates or school.
This is general parenting information, not medical advice. Every child is different — talk to your paediatrician, family doctor, or a qualified specialist about your child’s health, development, or behaviour. In an emergency, call your local emergency number.